From the desk of:

Chris Walter, Coordinator
PARENT RESOURCES AND SAFE & DRUG-FREE SCHOOLS
989-631-5892, ext. 131 FAX: 989-839-7655 e-mail: cwalter@mcesa.k12.mi.us
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What Your Preteen Wants You to Remember

Have you heard it said that age 12 is "the turning point?" Many people who work with youth believe that it’s the "last best chance" parents have to establish a relationship with their children that will positively impact the rest of their lives.

To continue - or create - an open and trusting relationship, you must know what your preteen is really thinking and feeling – and you must listen for… and talk about these things. The "art of dialogue" is crucial during the adolescent years.

Perhaps your preteen feels like the kids who responded to a national preteen survey. Here’s what they wanted their parents to know about them:

They want to feel safe at home and at school. One of every four preteens is afraid of being hurt or threatened by school bullies. Almost one in two fears being sexually abused.

They have adult fears. Preteens’ number one fear is of their parents’ dying. More than half fear they will get AIDS, or they will die, or their parents won’t be able to pay bills.

They want to count on you – to be there when they need you for help and guidance, to confide in and trust you, and to look up to you as a role model.

They need your unconditional love. Even as they begin pushing away, they want to be valued and told, "you matter to me."

They need their fathers. They most often turn to mom for help or to talk. But they want dad to spend time with the family talking and having fun.

They’re growing up. They want respect and increasing responsibility. Guideline: Ask "Is there any possibility this human ‘becoming’ will ever have to plan anything for him / herself at sometime in the future?" when we are tempted to "take over."

They want you to notice the things they do right more often than the things they do wrong. Ask yourself: Will the world come to an irrevocable halt if I don’t step in and correct, reprimand or direct?

They need help making the right choices. While preteens want more independence, they’re afraid of making wrong decisions. They appreciate it when you help them explore options and weigh alternative solutions.

Adapted from: "What Every Preteen Really Wants You To Know…But May Not Tell You," 1995 brochure (KidsPeace/The National Center for Kids in Crisis, 1650 Broadway, Bethlehem, PA 18015, 800/25-PEACE) printed in Parents Make The Difference, January 1997, The Parent Institute, PO Box 7474, Fairfax Station, VA 22039, 800/756-5525.