Helping Children Deal with Disappointment

Children can experience disappointment for many reasons. Perhaps they were excluded from a birthday party, or didn’t get the part in the class play. They may be angry or sad or sullen and withdrawn. It is our role as parents to help them understand why they are experiencing these feelings and then teach them how to cope with them.

It is important that we help our children recognize and name the feelings that they experience. We need to validate them and allow their feelings to be heard. We must then give them ways in which to relieve the feeling that are helpful and appropriate.

If a child is angry, allow him/her to express his anger and then provide a way to alleviate it, by hitting a punching bag, or yelling into a pillow, or by running around the block. Some children may want to write about their feelings in a journal, while others will enjoy drawing pictures showing what happened or how they feel. It does not help if we say that he/she shouldn’t feel that way. We can’t take feelings away, but we can help children learn to cope with them.

By naming the feeling, validating it and modeling coping strategies, we are helping to prepare a child to cope with disappointments that will be encountered throughout life. These learned skills help our children become resilient, even in the face of adversity. We can help them turn these challenges into positive solutions.

By Ellie Garrett, Parent Educator and Bereavement Counselor, MidMichigan VNA Hospice, Midland, MI and Chris Walter, Coordinator, Parent Resources and Safe & Drug-Free Schools, Midland County Educational Service Agency, Midland, MI January 2005.